Why I value experience, especially now
One day, several years ago, I found myself looking out my living room window at an oak tree about 40 yards away. As I sipped from my cup of coffee, I stared at this tree and asked myself, why do I expect the tree to remain where it is from one second to the next? Why don’t I expect it to uproot itself and walk around, to blink in and out of existence, or to disappear altogether as I look on? I was delighted to have an answer very quickly pop into my head: my expectations for this tree come from my experience. I have seen many trees in my life, large and small and of various types, and none of them have ever behaved in such ways.
From the moment we take our first breath and throughout childhood our experiences shape our view of the world. We learn what to expect in the present and future by drawing on our experiences in the past. We learn that hot things burn and sharp things cut. We learn that electricity zaps, especially if you stick a fork in the wall outlet. (Some of us had to experience this more than once to learn the lesson.) When we find ourselves in a novel situation that our own experience does not prepare us for we turn to the experience of others to guide us. Our first days in school are very stressful, but with instruction from parents and teachers and by watching other children we learn what is expected, appropriate, and useful. We carry our view of the world and the knowledge and skills that we have acquired through experience into adulthood, where these of course continue to develop.
The transition from childhood to adulthood is one that brings increasing levels of freedom, and with it increasingly numerous and ever-more-weighty choices. Meanwhile, our lives are continually being crammed with more-and-more things, so that we feel like we have less-and-less time. On top of this – in my experience (though I’m only 28) and as I’ve heard from others – at various times which punctuate adulthood we become more reflective and begin to ask some of the deeper questions about our lives. I know that this is all true for me. This is where I find myself.
So I started asking, what’s the point of all that I think, say, do… am? What is it all for? What matters? The answer, not unlike the answer I received when staring at the tree several years ago, came rather quickly. For something to matter it has to affect something else, kind of like how the larger an object is the stronger its gravitational effect on other objects will be. The more of an effect that one thing has on another the more that thing matters. And just as we can calculate gravitational forces in physics, we can calculate the effect of a possible action using our past experience – the same experience that we have relied on since our early childhood. I have to confess that when I applied this canon to my life I was surprised at what I found.
Some things in my life matter a great deal. Relationships with family and friends are incredibly important. Being productive at work and creating a warm, safe, enjoyable home matters. Helping a stranger, listening to someone who needs to vent, and doing my small part to care for our environment all matter. Education matters. Remembering birthdays matters. Making micro-loans through Kiva, adopting a family for Christmas, building houses with Habitat for Humanity, helping caregivers to those with dementia, building birdfeeders to give to some elderly people… all of these matter. Things that are beneficial to humanity matter: love, justice and numerous virtues matter. All of these things that matter are worth devoting time and energy to.
But my life was filled with a lot of things that didn’t matter too. It was filled with a constant striving to maintain the faith that I thought was my reason for doing all of those good things mentioned above, but which turned out to be superfluous because I found them important and meaningful even without it. It was filled with hours and hours and hours spent pouring over books on theology and religion, which rarely made me a better person but often simply rearranged my opinions about esoteric trivia. It was filled with the struggle to see our church “arrive” – to figure out the magic formula that was going to fix everything and make us feel good about ourselves. Of course, experience has taught me there is no magic formula and there is no arrival. Often, it’s the “big ideas” which distract us from the smaller things that really do matter. We could feel better about ourselves and be at peace if we just dropped the extraneous things that we fret over and did more of the things that we believe matter.
Asking these tough questions about my life and reflecting on my experience has helped me to see that all we can do is discover what things really matter to us and work toward those ends. We should weigh and measure any potential action with the instrument of past experience to anticipate what actual outcome these may have on us and on others. Those that are found wanting should be set aside so that we can focus on the things that matter to us. This is what I would call my pragmatic and empirical stance. There are certainly additional dimensions to my empiricism: an important one of which is its wonderful ability to help someone as critical and skeptical as myself to decide what is true. I think I’ll save that discussion for another day.

I haven’t been myself lately. I haven’t been reading or writing as much as I usually do, and instead I’ve been playing more computer games and enjoying many more adult beverages. As is to be expected, I think that my friends have noticed the change more than I – I’ve gotten used to hearing Robert and Tony ask, “So how are you doing?” It would be a silly question to ask a person who’s wrestling with inner demons, since they are probably the least likely to really know how they are doing, if it weren’t for the fact that it shows such love.